Desolate Devotion
by kaila900
Summary: The pain of the past cuts deep, leaving scars that are never truly healed, but out of the dismay, one can find that this darkness is only a passing thing. Happiness can be found even in the dark.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic! iv read so many of everyones wonderful stories i decided to begin my own. its about Gaara and matsuri of course...**

**i am starting during the timeskip because i wanted to write about Matsuri's chunnin exam experience because i have yet to have someone who has. Gaara is 13 years old and Matsuri is 12. they are just friends at this time but if you guys like it then ill contiue and they will become closer. youve got to learn to crawl before you can walk right? i promise it will get romancey in the future because thats what we all want right? heh heh... oh and that also means more action and violence which is also a plus :)**

**I also randomly throw in japanese words for my own enjoyment. send me a review if you dont know what they mean or if you want me to stop cause im using them wrong or it just annoys you.**

**I DO NOT own Naruto or any of the other characters. psh im not that creative **

**Enjoy!**

Desolate devotion

Gaara POV

The dry air swirled across the vast plains of the desert finally brushing my crimson hair out of my eyes. It's no longer necessary to squint against the blaring sun because it has retreated behind the horizon. The first stars push their way through the endless darkness. The biggest and brightest light in the sky is reflected back in the intelligent recesses of my turquoise eyes. My starring contest with the moon is interrupted by the faint sound of footsteps hurriedly dragging through the sand. With my sharpened senses I could also hear the air rushing in and out of her tired lungs.

"I'm… pant pant… finally done, Gaara- sensei." She said trying to regain her breath.

"That took a while." I said flatly without turning to face her. Matsuri had started her many laps around the village of Sunagakure hours ago.

"Uh, forgive me sensei. I tried my best." Her eyes fell to face the sand beneath her feet.

I gave her silence.

"Well… should we spar now?" she said, eyes lightening ere so slightly at the chance to prove herself.

"Yada. You are not strong enough now to fight me now." I stated simply. I did not mean it as an insult. She had been training all day and was exhausted. It was just a statement of fact, but Matsuri's hurt expression displayed that she had interoperated it otherwise. Her eyes fell to meet the ground again and the corners of her mouth followed in tow.

"What is wrong?" I did not want her upset.

"Nothing." She said quickly and gazed up to meet my suspicious glare. I could she right through her. My years of watching and listening have granted me the gift of seeing past the surface and reading people's true emotions when ironically I was barely able to express or understand my own.

"Um well… actually you seem disappointed in me sensei…" she said staring her onyx eyes up through her eyelashes.

"I just meant that you have had enough for today. You worked hard." That tiny expression of my internal feeling of pride for my one and only student's accomplishments sent a smile across her lips.

"**Arigatou**, Gaara-sensei! Tomorrow I'll be back at full strength and some! You'll see!" she promised triumphantly. "Goodnight, sensei." I gave her a slight nod that sent her skipping back towards the center of town.

"Be carful." I said in a monotone voice after her.

"Hai, shishou." She called over her shoulder. The last thing I wanted was her to get into trouble. Being orphaned, Matsuri had no one to look after her. Her impending loneliness touched me on a very personal level creating a strong obligation to keep her safe and content. Being still somewhat socially alien, my first ambition was about all I could manage for now.

Matsuri POV

I said goodbye to my sensei before strolling, well limping rather, towards my downtown home. Man, my muscles were on fire! Fifty laps around the entire village was a lot for my achy legs. This discomfort was not enough to kill the bubbly attitude I had today however. Training under Gaara- san was tough but he definitely knew what he was doing. I had improved enormously in the past year from a timorous child to a full fledged ninja on my way to becoming an outstanding Kunoichi. I no longer had a fear of weapons and I now had the drive inside me to fight for others. _I will fight for those precious to me! _That was my philosophy and I wasn't ready to abandon it anytime soon.

"Oi… Matsuri- chan!" Kankuro's voice snapped me from my self empowerment daydream.

"Oh uh hey." I stammered through my scratchy throat. It was really sore from the heavy breathing of my earlier training.

"You should really be getting inside ya know. You never know who's roaming the village these days. Ever since we lost the Kazekage, this place has really gone down the tubes." He said in disgust.

"Yeah… um sorry again about your dad." I said awkwardly.

"Oh yeah well thanks, It's been awhile since that happened. It's sad, but you know, he wasn't that great of a dad. He could sure be nasty at times and he wasn't too pleasant to be around." He said thoughtfully. "You of all people should know the type. I think my little bro inherited some of our dad's assholeishness."

"Gaara- sensei is NOT nasty or unpleasant! He's just a bit sullen, that's all!" I practically screamed at him. He started to laugh.

"Whoa, easy there! You know I love that little brat. I was just kidding around. Jeez…"

"Oh, errrr gomen..." I felt really embarrassed now.

"Um no prob. Well, see you later." He said leisurely walking in the other direction giving me a strange look as he passed. I walked the rest of the way home with a hint of pink in my cheeks. I hope Kankuro forgave me. It just made me so mad when people trashed Gaara- san. It got under my skin like nothing else could. I always heard a lot of crap from my fellow Genin at the Suna academy. I can't wait to become strong enough for me to take them on. I know it's only a matter of time because after all, I was learning from the best.

**REVIEW ME S.V.P.**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO IS HERE!!! sweet. This one is a bit longer but i hope its a ton better. Remember im only a rookie so try to be forgiving.**

**Merci to Gaaras1girl for reviewing! All you other people could learn a thing or two from her. Thanks a ton for the advice! When i saw your pen name i thought it looked familier and then i realized that i read your story. you were one of my inspiring authors so be proud of yourself! i am really happy that there is someone out there who cares enough about my writing to critisize it! love you!**

**i dont own Gaara n' friends, duh.**

**Review!**

Chapter 2

Matsuri POV

The sun peered through the drapes shrouding my window. It warmed my faced as I yawned and stretched out my achy joints. I sighed at the pure tranquility of the moment. Wait… the sun's up? Damn it! I'm late! I practically fell out of bed and grabbed my cloths. I frantically tore apart my room on the quest to retrieve my other shoe until finally tripping over a corner of the coffee table. My nose was sore after the face plant but I managed to make it out the door alive. I scurried down the street internally muttering damn it, damn it damn it all the way to the training grounds. I took a few minute of my eyes darting back and forth until I spotted my sensei sitting peacefully staring out over the ever changing dunes of the desert. He sat with one leg crossed over the other and his personal supply of sand residing at the ready.

"You're late… again." He said at my approach revealing little emotion in the statement.

"I'm so sorry Gaara- sensei! I over slept, but I know, I know, no excuses! I'm really REALLY sorry!"I said as quickly as the words could leave my lips.

"Matsuri" I stopped my rambling instantly.

"Hmm?"

"It's alright." He said calmly turning to look at me. His face still retained its passive expression but his words assured me he wasn't upset by my tardiness. Gaara never got mad at me and seemed to have endless patience trough my constant screw ups. I wonder if he was like that to everyone of just me.

"Oh. Arigato." I smiled at him.

"Let's get started then." He stood up. We were the same height not counting the extra altitude he gained with his spiky red hair.

"I want to see how you have improved with your jouhyou." He said. My eyes grew wide and my heart sank. In the midst of my hectic morning I had left my jouhyou at home.

"Errrr… crap." I hung my head in shame. Not only had left my jouhyou, but my entire weapons bag. I was an utter failure.

"A ninja is never caught without his ninja tools." Gaara said as if stating it from a book. He reached into his pocket and handed me his own kunai. I just starred at his outstretched arm.

"Come on. We are wasting daylight." He said still emotionless.

"Hai, sensei." I took it from him.

Gaara POV

Thwap, thwap, thwap. The repeated sound of metal meeting wood created a metronomic feel to her movements. Each strike was either followed by a yes! Or a darn… To my satisfaction I heard more yeses than darns. Matsuri was doing quiet well for herself.

"Ooooo! Sensei did you see that one! Right down the middle." The knife was wedged in the bull's eye of the target.

"Uh huh." I said flatly.

"Go me, go me! Who's skilled, who's skilled?" she sang while doing a little victory dance. She was the strangest girl I had ever seen but somehow she managed to amuse me. While she continued the celebration I looked up at the sun to estimate the time of day.

"It's time to go now." She stopped dancing and gave me a puzzled look.

"But we haven't even been out here that long. Where are we going?"

"The Chunin recommendations." was my rejoinder.

"Awww man. Do we have too?" she wined at me. I know Matsuri would rather be out training herself than sit through watching others getting praise for there accomplishments.

"Yes"

"Darn."

Matsuri POV

I walked very closely behind Gaara as we made our way through the village. The streets were lined with a variety of shops selling various items. All of which were constructed with the ability to be quickly closed and secured in cause of the frequent sandstorm. I began watching the faces of the people as we passed and started to notice a trend. It seemed like most of the older sand nin starred or flashed dirty looks while the younger villagers smiled towards their passer bys. This created a clear distinction between those who remembered the old Gaara and those who had embraced the new one. I felt sorry for him. I really did. It wasn't pity, just understanding. He was trapped in the shadow of his past looking for an escape. WACK! I smacked into something hard because I was not looking where I was going. Gaara had stopped walking but I did not.

"Whoops. Sorry."

"Try to stay in the present please." He said in his classic Gaara tone.

"Right" Gaara had stopped because we had reached our destination. As we crossed the threshold I noticed the room was filled with my fellow Genin as well as their teachers. I spotted Kankuro with his older sister Temari. The thing about Temari was that if she liked you, she was a caring and dedicated friend who never let you down, but if she didn't like you, she had the uncanny ability to make your life hell. It's for that reason I did my very best to stay on her good side.

"Hello Gaara, Matsuri. Glad you guys finally made it." She said as we went to take our place behind her.

"Hn." Was Gaara's greeting to his sister. The learning program in Suna had grown tremendously in the past year. There were several teachers now apart from the original sand siblings, but the only one I recognized was Baki.

"It is now time to decide which Genin shall be sent to Konoha to participate in the Chunin exams." Said what looked like a member of the consul of Sunagakure. He must be running the show. After a winded speech about the responsibility place apawn the shoulders of those chosen, he asked the sensei to bring forth the nominated.

"I nominate Sari"said Temari. She was a nice girl. I hope she does well at the exams.

"I nominate Yuudai" said Kankuro. Uggggggg… I really hated that kid. He started flexing his muscles as the other students cheered. I grinded my teeth.

"Now that we have our two participants…" the head honcho began, "We can… hold on." He looked out at his audience with a confused glance. Everyone followed his gaze which landed on me, no wait. They were looking at Gaara. I turned to face my sensei to see his hand raised in the air.

"Yes? What is it?"

"I'd like to nominate my student, Matsuri, for the Chunin exams." He said coolly. No one could picture the timid little Matsuri fighting for her life in the Chunin exams, and neither could I. My mouth was a gape.

Gaara POV

"Are you sure?" Councilmen Masahiroasked quizzically. (A/N quizzically is a terrible word… but I'm using it anyway. mwhahaha)

"Yes." I had full confidence in my student's abilities though it seems that the rest of the room did not share my feelings. The other teachers looked confused at my decision to send her this early because she had gained the reputation of being helpless. Matsuri was also getting sour looks from the other Genin who were not fortunate enough to be chosen.

"Well, alright then. The representatives of our village this year will be Sari, Yuudai, and Matsuri." The committee announced. The second the meeting was over I made my way towards the door.

"Sensei!" Matsuri called for me.

"Hmm?"

"Why did you nominate me?'

"Because I believe that you are ready… whether you go or not is your decision of course." She looked down and furrowed her eyebrows as if she was thinking hard.

"I think I'm ready too."

**Well there you go... Review S.V.P.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! I'm back! Here is chapter three! It's a long one. And so the plot thickens... not really. A huge thanks to everyone who read my story and reviewed. you guys make it all worth while. love you!**

**I own Naruto and all related characters... NOT!**

Chapter 3

Gaara POV

The dawn of our departure to the land of fire had crept up so fast causing a sudden realization, in three days time my pupil, Matsuri, will be faced with the ultimate test of her potential as a shinobi of the sand. Her success in the Chunin exams also reflects my ability as a sensei, which is of great interest to the high authorities of our village. Many of them still retain a feeling of uncertainty towards my emotional stability. They all seem overly enthusiastic towards the thought of sending me away for over a month. A firm knock on my bedroom door broke my train of thought, but did not surprise me.

"Come on Gaara. I want to leave early." My older sister called through the stained oak door. As soon as her message was delivered she turned on her heels and made her way down the hall until her footsteps became inaudible. She knew me well enough by now to expect no answer in return. After fashioning my gourd to my back I snatched my forehead protector off my unexploited mattress where I had left it the night before. Tying it tightly around my thick belt strap proved to be more difficult than usual due to my numbed fingers. They were raw because I had spent the whole night on the roof in the chilled desert air. The few brief moments of fiddling allowed the light of early morning that was peering through the curtains to reflect off the polished metal and dance across the ceiling. In no rush, I made my way to the door and swung it open. A flood of light from the hallway washed over my previously dim quarters. There was nothing for the light to reveal however. The walls of my room were bare as well as the floor. The only piece of furniture I had was a bed, which was unnecessary. I do remember having a nightstand in the past holding a framed picture of my mother. I don't recall what happened to the nightstand, but I do remember the glass of the frame shattering as it collided hard with the wall and then being angrily thrown out the window all those years ago.

Matsuri POV

Headband… check, kuni… check. I touched each item after going over it on the list in my head. Jouhyou … check, whew, wasn't going to for get that again. With all my necessary items present and accounted for, I skipped out the door towards the front gate of Sunagakure. It was a lovely day. Maybe a little breezy for my taste, but still nice. When I finally reached my destination, I spotted my master standing perfectly still in the mouth of the village gate. He wore his signature blank expression causing me to infer that his mind was not at the gate but in other places. Temari and Kankuro flanked either side of him. I think they would follow him to the ends of the earth. Gaara always seemed to uphold an authoritive stature without even trying.

"Good morning, Gaara- sensei." His ocean eyes slowly glided through the white to meet mine.

"How are you feeling?" he said with his pupils seemingly burrowing deep into my very soul.

"Fine. I'm really nervous, but also excited!" It's true. I had never been to Konoha before and I was ecstatic at the opportunity to show the world what I had learned. However, this enthusiasm was mixed with feelings of uncertainty. Carrying the reputation of your home village on your shoulders is a heavy burden.

"Oh good, Matsuri you're here." Temari said sincerely. She motioned for me to follow her as she abandoned her post at her brother's side. She stopped a few feet away and I took my place at her side. She put a hand on my shoulder and said,

"Before we set off I think it would be wise for you to be introduced to the other nominees."

"That's probably a good idea." I said sarcastically. Luckily, Temari just smiled back and ushered me over to the other waiting **kunoichi**.

"This is Sari. Have you met before?"

"Sort of, back in the academy. I'm Matsuri if you don't remember." I said taking her hand.

"Oh sure! I remember you! You're that girl who fell down a lot." She said returning the hand shake. I frowned at the insult. "Kidding!" she said happily. "You were so adorable."

"Ummm… thanks?" she flashed a pearly smile confirming her willingness to befriend me. She was wearing her forehead protector as a bandanna around her head. She had a short black skirt very similar to my own except lacking the knee high boots underneath that I proudly sported.

"Aww man! You have got to be kidding me!" an upset voice complained from behind me. The last member of our group had made his appearance. I wiped around to see Yuudai standing with his arms crossed. His jet black hair was obviously over gelled due to its greasy appearance and lack of movement as he shook his head in disapproval. It was a sad attempt to mimic the natural spikes of say Kankuro or Gaara.

"Why am I stuck with these two chicks? We're gonna get creamed!" Temari rolled her eyes and said,

"This is the third member of your squad, Yuudai." She was obviously not too thrilled by his presence and neither was I. He was the main culprit of all my distress back before we were Genin. He was ever so persistent at mocking my fear of weapons and poor fighting skills. That was nothing compared to the onslaught of disrespect he threw at me once he found out who I had chosen as my teacher. Maybe a cracked jaw would finally shut him up. As I smiled evilly thinking about ways to get my revenge, I failed to notice Sari trot off to talk to her sensei, Temari, in private about Chunin exam matters. Suddenly, taking advantage of our alone time, Yuudai was up in my face.

"Hey listen, Matsuri. I don't want any of your screw ups, Got it? Honestly, I don't care what kind of freakish demon jutsu your creature taught you; just don't get in my way. I play to win. O.k.?" he said fearlessly. His body language was overflowing with hubris. He was so used to me cringing away from his threats as I did in our years as classmates that my next move really surprised him. I stood on my tiptoes to achieve the extra height I needed to bring my face mere inches from his. I was no longer the scared little girl I used to be and the rapid rush of confidence was caused by the one offense I simply couldn't take.

"His name is Gaara." I said fuming. "I'm not the little girl you could just push around anymore. I'm a shinobi now and you'd better watch your step!" The weight of my words didn't exactly register until the threat rolled off my tongue and into he ear drums where it sounded a lot tougher than I felt inside.

"You little bitch!" he said pushing me away. His forceful blow caused me to stumble but I shakily regained my balance. "I asked you nicely; now I'll have to teach you a lesson!" he balled his hands into fists and raised one to eye level. I was still a little wobbly from the initial attack, but I took my fighting stance. Ready for anything, I stared at his malevolently smiling face. Suddenly, his angry eyes grew wide and his fists swiftly dropped to his waist. Was my warrior posture really that intimidating? I doubt it. It was then that I noticed a presence behind me. Glancing over my shoulder I saw Gaara standing behind me with a stabbing glare directed towards Yuudai. I turned back to my aggressor to find him looking absolutely terrified. Gaara was inches shorter than him with a fraction of his muscle build, but Yuudai was no fool. He started turning pale and I loved every minute of it. Not so tough now, huh? I said in my head. Maybe he'll pee his pants… man that'd be great.

"Uhhh… see you later." He said in a barely audible voice. He didn't dare mouth off in front of Gaara. Smart boy. With that, he made like a scarred little puppy with its tail between its legs and scurried off to find Kankuro, his sensei. Beaming, I turned to Gaara who was still looking bitterly in Yuudai's direction. His gaze softened when his eyes fell to me.

"Let's go." He said blankly.

"Righty-o!" I said still a little too jazzed up about Yuudai's defeat. Gaara gave me a subtle weirded- out look but started walking with me close behind internally smiling to myself.

Gaara POV

It was only to be the six of us attending the Chunin exams this time. Our village had yet to be granted it's fifth Kazekage and none of the village councilmen had time for such affairs. Many of our people were still recovering from the aftermath of the attack on Konoha. The battle had created a shroud of despair that still loomed over their broken homes.

The six of us made haste, moving swiftly over the golden terrain. The party was led by Yuudai, who was followed by Sari and Matsuri. Temari, Kankuro and I brought up the rear.

"So, Gaara," said Kankuro as he ran along my right side. "You really sure Matsuri's ready for this?"

"Do you doubt my judgment?"

"Well, no." He said defensively. "It's just, she's only twelve and her squad members are even older than you, Gaara." It was a good point, I suppose. Even though I remember Naruto and his classmates being of the same age when they competed, they had all been training since a very young age while Matsuri started a little more than a year ago.

"I was only twelve when I participated in the Chunin exams." I stated simply.

"Yeah but you were a crazy, killer, prodigy child." He said boldly. True. I started contemplating what would have happened to Kankuro if he had said such a thing to me back then. Aware that he had lost my attention, my older brother decided to continue anyway.

"I mean, Yuudai's fourteen already." I heard a disgusted grunt coming from Temari's throat as she ran along my left side. "Look, I know he's a pain in the ass, but he's a good ninja." Kankuro said somewhat defensively.

"Being a pain in the ass isn't in the criteria of a Chunin last time I checked." Temari snapped back. I tuned out the argument as the harsh words flew back and forth between them. I could have joined in if I had the will to do so. I did not care for Yuudai either. He had threatened my student, which caused me to become rather protective. It had the compulsion to knock that wicked grin right off his face. On top of that, he seemed too swaggering and narcissistic to make a proper leader. In the world of the shinobi, becoming a leader is an overwhelming responsibility. Each life placed in your hands is precious. You must be ready to fight for them and die for them if fate calls on you to do so. This is what I was taught, and this is what I understand. This is what I believe in.

"I do not like him either." I decided giving my sister a hand.

**Sooooo better?... Worse?... REVIEW S.V.P!**

"Ha! See?" Temari exclaimed as if she had just won the dispute.


	4. Chapter 4

**MY NEXT CHAPTER HAS ARRIVED!!!! God it took forever! That either means it's good or I'm a lazy shit... hmmm could be either one. I'm pretty proud of this chapter though, it's pretty sick nasty (in the good way). I know in this chapter Gaara daydreams a lot but I wasn't going for him to be spacey, I was thinking more along the lines of insightful. I do make references to stuff that happened in the show so if you don't know what the whoo I'm talking about I apologize in advance. LOVE TO MY PEOPLES! All my fans (three whole people! Wheeeeeee I'm a star!) who generously reviewed I'll have you know I'm eternally grateful.**

**Je ne possède pas naruto ou chacun a rattaché chracters **

**enjoy!**

Chapter 4

Matsuri POV

"Are we almost there? God, I feel like I might keel over any second." Sari had been complaining practically the entire way to Konoha, but I didn't really mind.

"I guess so. It's been more than three days now." Our little party had been on the move for about half a week, traveling by day and resting by night. No matter how hard I tried, it became impossible for me to get accustom to sleeping on the forest floor. The ground was so inflexible and cold compared to the warm, malleable sand of the desert. Even though our journey had barley begun, I couldn't help but feel twinges of homesickness. I miss being able to stare up at the iridescent starlights that hung in front of an ominous black backdrop without my view being obstructed by vegetation.

"So Mat, what do you think of Yuudai?" Sari's arbitrary question scratched the record of my pleasant remembrance of home.

"Say What?"

"Do you like him?" she asked allowing her gaze to drift to the boy leading our formation.

"Ummm… No!" I said with a bitter snap. "Why do you ask?" I wondered after I was sure my opinion was clear.

"I don't know." She said with a cloudy gaze still held in his direction. Oh god no...

"Do you!?" I said in a disgusted tone.

"Hmmm maybe."

"Oh Sari! Don't tell me you have a crush on him!" I said with a little too much force.

"Well he's wicked hot." She said in her own defense.

"He's an A- hole!"

"Oh so you know him? Can you introduce me?" her eyes brightened. My mouth hung open slightly but then closed as I smiled and shook my head.

"Sari, Sari, Sari… What am I going to do with you?" For what seemed like hours after, Sari was chattering away in my ear about Yuudai's degree of attractiveness. She had only met him three days ago but acted like they were meant to be. I wondered how long it will take her to realize that he was bad news. I'll give it to her that he's hot, but relations are so much more than that. A person's character is all that really matters in the end. Looks are the basis of weak crushes while compatibility of the soul builds a strong relationship. The deeper you dig into the purity of someone's heart the more capable you become at understanding and loving the other person. Well, that's what I think anyway.

Gaara POV

It wouldn't be long now. Familiar landmarks and bends in the road breathed life back into my memories of this place. Most were those of malevolence and blood that managed to slither their way to the forefront of my subconscious despite my best efforts at suppression. Powerful images of those fool enough to stand in my way and those who were strong enough to defile my purpose brought up emotions of confusion, hatred, and bloodlust. My ability to kill those around me escalated from a skill necessary for my survival to an addiction. My heart had begun to ache so I closed my eyes in an effort to clear my psyche. My mind found its most vivid memory. Naruto Uzumaki appeared. I opened my eyes to give my body guidance as I ran, but my brain remained fixed on the image. His body lay only feet from mine but it was tired and broken. Deep cuts wove their way across his face and down his neck. A thick stream of blood followed the contours of his forehead and curved its way around his nose. I distinctively remembered the bright crimson color of the liquid due to the exposed blood cells becoming saturated with oxygen. He was in pain as his expression made clear. To my surprise, this pain was not caused by anger, only sadness. He was sad because his village was under attack, he was sad because his friends were in danger, but he was also sad for me. There was no hatred in his eyes, only pity. He said he knew of my dark, lonely hell and of the kind of people who damned me to reside there. He had been there just like me. He was not like me though, for he had people in his life. People who pulled him from the depressing abyss and brought him back to the living. For that, he had given these people the entirety of his heart. He knew I had no one. My soul remained desolate and my heart existed displaying no devotion, and he was sorry for me.

"Whoa! Look at that!" Matsuri's voice triggered my brain to align with the images of reality that my eyes were sending it. The cause of Matsuri's excitement became evident when the peek of the Konoha gate became visible over the tree canopy. As we approached the village, the three students paused to marvel at the immense doors. I halted with them so Kankuro and Temari copied.

"Whew, it gets longer and longer every time we make the journey, eh?" Kankuro said stretching out his muscles by leaning over to touch his toes.

"Psh, you're just out of shape." Temari joked. Kankuro replied with an unamused glance. I was tired too. I didn't feel it physically, only mentally but what else was new? Temari proceeded to the desk of the two men guarding the gate to gain our party clearance. I remained stationed at the entrance, staring up at its impressive construction. My mind wandered as it had so many times before. Another memory flashed dismal bleach white walls and pasty sheets smelling of laundry detergent. I was lying on my back with eyes glued to the plaster ceiling of the Konoha hospital. Uzumaki lay in a bed to my right. He was cocooned in bandages as I was only he was fast asleep. Being cursed as the host of the Shukaku brought me infinite nights with only my thoughts and darkness. I remembered that on that night, my being was haunted by the events of the previous day. I had been captured by a band of callous ninja who saw my existence as merely a creature to be sought and used. Matsuri had been the bait. She was only my pupil for a few hours and her life had already been threatened due to her ties to my fate. I will never forget her face when she witnessed the Shukaku. I saw Matsuri incapacitated by unbearable fear and revulsion. The shock had knocked her to the ground as she cringed with eyes wide and mouth open as if any moment she would let out a scream. Lying in the hospital I remember thinking our relationship to be at an end. She would leave in search of a new teacher, thus running away like all the others before her. Little did I know that as dawn broke painting its reds and oranges over the blank canvass sky, she would be at my bedside, wondering about my condition as if nothing had happened. As if I was not the monster I was named at birth to become. Why did she come back to me? I had been pondering that question ever since that lonely night gaining little ground toward a satisfying answer. She truly was a strange little girl.

Matsuri POV

We were defiantly not in Sunakagure anymore. The structures that line the street are dressed in colorful banners displaying various promotional slogans. I spotted one for a flower shop, a hotel, and several restaurants. Beyond the buildings towered a memoir to all the past Hokages forever etched in stone. It was truly magnanimous and created a sense that though the Hokages of the past were gone; they never ceased to watch over their village. In the shadow of the mountain bustled thousands of leaf citizens. Some were racing down the corridors as if they were late for something while others lightheartedly strolled along taking their sweet time. Everything was so foreign. I was afraid of getting lost in this place so I followed closely behind the group.

"Hey you guys." A voice said from in front of me with meager enthusiasm. The source of the sound was a tall, pony tailed boy wearing a green vest to signify his Chunnin status.

"Hi Shikamaru!" Temari said back in a cheery tone. "How have you been?"

"Oh you know same old same old." He started walking with us for what seemed like the purpose of an escort, but my three superiors seemed to already know their way around. It wasn't long before we found our home for the next month or so. It was in an apartment building about three stories high. Once inside, it became known that our living quarters would consist of one large communal space connecting four smaller bedrooms. The bedrooms were divided so everyone received there own except for Sari and I who would share and Gaara who claimed he didn't want one. I know he preferred the roof.

"Sweet! It'll be just like a sleepover!" Sari squealed as I rolled my eyes but smiled. She reminded me of one of those chipper, popular girly girls back at the academy that I never seemed to get along with. We had such different personalities but somehow are friendship was working out.

"Did you see that cute pony tail dude who let us in?" she said.

"Oh don't even think about it! Yuudai would be so jealous." I teased.

"Oh Mat, you know I've got to play the field."

"That's a pretty big field."

"I like to keep my options open." I giggled childishly at the audacity of my friend.

"What about you hmmm? See any boys you like?" she looked interested. To tell the truth, I didn't think about boys. Maybe the rush of hormones that already plagued Sari had not yet distorted my interpretation of the opposite sex. I played along despite this.

"Not yet." Sari and I talked late into the night, mostly about her favorite subject but there was the occasional comment on events of days to come. The Chunnin exams were a big deal and I was ready to give it everything I've got.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hey people!!! sorry for being so late. shame on me. i promise there will be at least two chapters over winter break because i will have nothing else to do :) i hope you like this chapter. i will admit that its all little boring cause its more of a transition chapter but read it anyway. thanks to everyone who reviewed! you hold a special place in my heart *tear*. **

**disclaimer: oturan nwo ton od I**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 5

Matsuri POV

"AHHHHHHH!!!" I screamed as a night of uninterrupted tranquility was harshly brought to a screeching halt by the sound of a spoon hitting a frying pan.

"Time to get up you lazy bums!" Temari cried playing her make shift instrument.

"Sensei!" I groggily turned to Sari who was surprisingly displaced from her bed to the floor. I assume the sudden jolt awake had knocked her off the mattress.

"Sorry girls, but I had to get you up for a special crack of dawn training session." We both moaned simultaneously. "Hey, I'm not doing this for your sake, not mine." Temari said slightly irritated.

"And it's appreciated." Sari said with a hint of sarcasm. "But a frying pan, Really now?"

"Tough love, honey." She smirked and walker out of the room. Sari and I hastily dressed and marched out after her.

"Hey, what about Yuudai?"Sari asked but Temari looked confused. "I mean, isn't he coming?" Temari smiled.

"Psh, no. If Kankuro is going to snooze the day away, then his precious student can kiss my ass." I giggled and Sari frowned. Of course I wasn't Temari's student either, but I was almost certain her gripe was less about Kankuro's sleeping habits and more about her loathe of his pupil. Speaking of negative people, I wondered where Gaara was anyway.

Temari jogged with us all the way to the training grounds. She called it a "Warm up" but a near sprint through the freezing morning fog didn't fit into that category in my book. Our trio finally reached our destination and was greeted by the sight of a certain red head. He was leaning against one of the Konoha target poles. One of his legs was bent up so that the bottom of his shoe was flush with the pole he rested against. With his arms crossed and head bent down slightly he looked like he had been carved to hold that position forever and I bet he could. I squinted and tried to think of a perfect comparison. He looked like… like one of those pale Greek statues; yeah that's it, like a Greek god.

"Oi! Sensei! There you are." I called to him. The statue came to life and tilted his head in our direction.

"Good morning." He said in a husky voice.

"Same to you! Did you sleep we-… I mean, how was your night?" Gaara doesn't sleep of course.

He blinked slowly before saying, "Fine." His eyes, which had rested on my face, changed their trajectory to the girl standing next to me. Sari quickly looked away, not wanting to meet his gaze. She tried to smile but only revealed how uncomfortable she was. Temari finally released the tension.

"Come on you two! Let's get started." Gaara tilted his head back down resuming his previous pose. As we made our way towards the konouchi who beckoned for us, I asked Sari,

"What's the matter?"

"Oh uh, nothing." She faked a grin.

"… Are you afraid of Gaara- san?" my eyes narrowed.

"What? No! ... Well, I don't know. Maybe, I'm not afraid of him exactly. I'm more frightened of what people said happens when he gets, well… you know."

"Yeah, I know…" my faced saddened as I remembered those intense yellow eyes full of abhorrence and loathing. I shuttered. "You don't have to be afraid, Sari." I said recalling Gaara's ability to suppress his other half.

"I know… I'm sorry." She sounded sincere. "I'm trying my best, really I am."

"Thanks."

Gaara POV

A frigid gust of early air blew across my body causing goose bumps to appear on my arms and a shiver to rocket down my spine. My toes were freezing because of my stroll through the dew kissed lawn. I furrowed my brow in an attempt to suppress an oncoming headache. In short, my morning was going fantastically… I continued to internally grumble to myself as Sari and Matsuri spared mere feet ahead of me. Though it was hard to determine who had the upper hand because they both excelled in different areas. Sari was utilizing the wind element, no doubt influenced by my sister. She held one small fan in each hand and channeled her chakra in the blades. It became evident that she could only create wind gusts strong enough to push her opponent back, thus her wind technique was only powerful enough to be used as a defense rather than an attack like Temari. She made up for this disadvantage by skillfully using the edges of her fans as a surprisingly effective close combat weapon. This approached proved useless against Matsuri's mastery of her jouhyou. By twirling it over her head, she created a barrier impeding Sari's attempted assault. The push for supremacy went on for an hour or so until Temari called it off.

"Nice work. Now rest up a little before we set off for the first exam."

"Hai!" they said in unison and then walked off to rest their muscles.

"See you before the first challenge, Sensei!" Matsuri called over her shoulder. I gave her a single nod but that was enough to make her smile. Temari moved to my side.

"So what do you think?" she said full of anticipation.

"Hn?"

"Do you think Sari's doing ok?"

"Yeah… she should focus on chakra conservation. I noticed a portion of her energy is utterly spent." I said in an attempt to sound constructive rather than critical. Temari didn't deserve the wrath of my foul mood.

"Ok, yeah. I noticed that too…" she trailed off. "Are you alright? You look miserable." I just shook my head. "How do you feel?" I knew my sister was referring to the state of the malevolent creature sealed inside my body rather than my physical health.

"It's okay, Temari. You don't have to worry." She smiled back and made a crafty subject change.

"Matsuri's looking solid, eh?" she prodded me gently with her elbow.

"She is. I fear for her though. The Chunnin exams are brutal on the body as well as the mind." It wasn't like me to doubt Matsuri, but she seemed so innocent and fragile. I have witnessed firsthand the most resilient of souls crumble under the pressure forced upon them, even my own.

"Oh stop worrying. You're going to get premature wrinkles." Temari teased. I didn't usually like people this close but for some reason I didn't mind letting Temari in.

It wasn't long before Temari and I met up with Kankuro to see our students off to the first exam. Matsuri wore a worried expression. Feelings of anticipation and uncertainty were pulsing off her in waves. Her breaths were short and quick with the occasional deep breath as she tried to cure her anxiety. I wanted to make an attempt to reassure her, but I didn't know how, so I remained still. At last the wait was over. It was time for her to pass though the double doors in front of us and demonstrate if she had what it takes to become a ninja.

She sighed to release built up tension.

"Well her I go." She turned to me. "I guess I'll see you in a couple of days." I nodded in confirmation. "Well… that is if I make it through the first exam and through the forest of… death." Her last word was significantly softer. There was a brief pause and then she looked up. "I won't let you down sensei! There is no way!" her eyes were intense now. It seems that saying the words out loud gave her much needed confidence. I nodded again and she turned to leave.

"Matsuri." She whipped around. "Be careful." She smiled warmly.

"You got it."

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	6. Chapter 6

**Greetings! kaila900's back baby!!! here is the fabulous chapter six. i typed it on my brand new laptop i got for xmas! hoot hoot! thanks to everyone who has graced me with their presence on my story. you are all lovely people. i hope you continue to stay with my epic tale.**

**Disclaimer: iay oday otnay wnoay arutonay, eriouslysay**

**enjoy!**

Chapter 6

MPOV

The first exam, psh, a piece of cake. Honestly, that test was insulting. Any top ninja would figure out that the point of the exam was obviously to display our skills of observation and ability to work through difficult situations. How stupid do they think we are? I mean COME ON!…

…

Ah who am I kidding! The first exam was brutal! I swear I felt my mind unraveling as I stared wide eye at my blank answer sheet. Cheat to win? Who the heck is supposed to assume that? It was only Yuudai's pride, Sari's confidence, and my determination that allowed us to take the tenth question and barely squeak by. Just sitting there, watching your precious time slip away was beyond stressful. In the end I didn't answer a single question right. I ended up writing random crap on my paper and praying to sweet baby Jesus for a heavenly intervention. I wonder if Gaara figured it out. I bet he did. I bet he got every question right and took the tenth question with zero hesitation. He never let anything bother him and kept a level head through the most dangerous of situations. How did he do that? I had no idea.

I did know that he made it all the way to the finals in his Chunin exam trial. After that I'm not quite sure what happened. He never told me about his Chunin experience through our months of preparation for the event and I never asked. It was shrouded in mystery which was just Gaara's style.

It wasn't long before the second trail was laid before us. The challenge was to navigate through the forest of death to a central tower where we had to present a heaven and earth scroll. The only problem was each team only had one scroll, so they had to steal the other from an opposing team… oh yeah, and the forest was infested with man eating creatures… that's another problem.

A bead of sweat slid from my hair line as I gazed through the starting fence only to have my vision break when it collided with the wall of trees. Every ounce of common sense I had screamed to stay away from the black void but I knew that's exactly were I had to go.

"What's the matter, Matsuri? You scared?" Yuudai said and I could tell he was mocking me.

"NO!" yes.

"Good, cause I don't want you fucking this up for all of us." he said because, as of now Yuudai, Sari, and I pass or fail as a team.

"Oh you don't have to worry about that." I said sourly. He sighed and rolled his eyes. That's right, you bastard, keep basking in your own glory. We'll see who comes out on top… as I mentally rubbed my hands together in evil delight, Sari said.

"We have a heaven scroll so we need an earth. Shouldn't we be coming up with a plan or something before the challenge starts?" We both stared at her like she had just grown a second head. Oh right! A plan… hmmm… I began throwing together some sort of strategy in my mind when of course my good friend Yuudai said,

"Ha, we don't need a plan. Real ninjas don't need a plan, they just wing it." Uhhh you sure about that buddy?

"Yeah if they want to get killed!" I retorted. "This is real now! We aren't in training anymore."

"Oh shut up, what do you know?" He spat and walked toward the starting gate. I turned to Sari and gave her a what-the-fuck-was-that look but she just smiled and shrugged. Then followed her savior to the gate. How do you like that? Abandoned… curse her hormones!

"Alright you maggots! Get in position! We're about to begin!" Said a purple haired shinobi with attitude. I didn't pay close enough attention to catch her name but she was our proctor. All the teams proceeded to their starting gates. Waiting for our release, I peered around at the wary faces of the other eager shinobi. Some were leaning forward in anticipation while others trembled with panicked thoughts of the dismal nights to come. Though the ninjas were of all different shapes, sizes, colors, and ages, we all had, whether it was masked or not, hints of fear that could be detected in all of our faces.

"READY, SET, GO!" Screamed seniora spunky. Thirty six ninja flew into the darkness.

GPOV

My soft crimson locks caressed my face as the wind rolled over the hills of the land of fire. My left shoe dragged across the shingled roof as I pulled it closer to my body. The corresponding arm came to rest on the crown of my knee. A heavy sigh escaped my lips. Sitting on the roof of our Konoha home, I couldn't help but worry for the safety of my student.

The sun's jovial aura was departing behind the horizon making way for the uncertainties of night. Picturing Matsuri in the gloomy disarray, surrounded by hazards and malevolent shinobi who had no choice but to fight others to prove themselves was unsettling. My fists clenched, how could I have done this to her? What kind of malicious world do we live in when mere children are given the kill decision and encouraged to use it? I began to ponder what it would be like if the ninja never came to be. If our imprudent ancestors never were corrupted by the human need for power and control. The lands would be peaceful, wars nonexistent, families mended, walls unnecessary, children innocent, and I wouldn't be a monster… my mother would still be alive. As soon as the thoughts entered my mind, they were tainted. I knew there could never be such a world.

The clunky sound of boots meeting slate crept up from behind me. Kankuro approached.

"Hey, brotha." he said and came to rest at my side. He took a seat on the roof to my right and let his longer legs dangle over the edge. The smell of savory broth lingered around him. He held a steaming cup of ramen in one hand and a pair of chopsticks in the other.

"I brought you some soup." He said handing it towards me but getting no response. "Come on," he said smiling. "its delicious!" He sang.

"No thank you." I said quietly. He shrugged and began to dig into my dinner. My attention returned to my student. An uncomfortable silence proceeded aside from the rapid slurping of the noodles. Finally,

"So what's up? You seemed worried." My brother asked me. I sighed.

"I am wondering about the exams. That's all."

"Aha! Someone's having trouble letting go. Don't worry, little bro. Matsuri will be fine." He went back to his soup. I scrunched up my eyes and turned to him.

"What do you mean, letting go?" I said and was surprised when Kankuro leaned in a put his arm around my shoulders.

" I know it's hard, but you've got to let the baby bird leave the nest." I leaned away from him and pulled out from under his arm.

"Huh?" I said. He squinted in thought.

"Matsuri's not a little kid anymore. She can handle the giant snakes, the vicious bugs, the harsh terrain,… oh and the 30 something other ninjas that won't think twice about spattering her blood all over the forest floor." All comfort gone. My brother smiled and patted me one the back.

"Well," he stood up as if his work here was done. "I hoped that helped." He smiled sincerely and strolled back from where he came. Great… now my concern was higher then ever. Thanks Kankuro… thanks a lot. I put my hand on my forehead. Poor Matsuri…

MPOV

"Look out!" Sari screamed as a huge spider flashed its ugly fangs towards Yuudai. It had to be at least ten feet across not counting it's impressive leg length. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS TOWN?! This is not normal. Does Iruka-sensei have a hidden biochemist lab in his basement where he conducts hazardous creature mutations that we should know about?

Yuudai was frozen in absolute fear towards his sudden aggressor. It crept closer and closer, gaining confidence in it's assault when it remained unchallenged.

"Yuudai! Move!" I yelped. No response, his eyes were the size of dinner plates. Crap crap crap! If I didn't act fast my teammate was going to be a tasty spidey snack.

My mind raced as it tried to formulate a strategy. Ok, think think think. Uhhhhhhh WWGD, what would Gaara do? He would stay calm and… use his sand to… attack from below! that's it! Sparked by inspiration, I whipped my jouhyou over my head in a circular motion until it reached an ample speed. Then I gracefully tossed it towards the creature, accurately snagging its eight hairy legs in a binding knot.

Ha ha! Victory! The monster was immobilized. My success was short lived when the spider began to thrash, yanking me around like a rag doll. Thankfully, Sari stepped up and delivered a harsh blow of wind to the arachnid's temple, causing a dizzied state. I regained my footing and saw out of the corner of my eye Yuudai rapidly shaking his head as if to tremor his fears away. With his mind lucid, his aimed a kuni right into the forehead of the beast. It's nerves spazed until it came to rest for the last time.

Breathing heavily, we all stared with wide eyes from the creature, to each other, and back at the beast.

"What… the fuck… was that?" Sari said finally. I shrugged, uncertain myself. I turned to Yuudai who, white as a ghost and possibly wearing freshly soiled pants, turned back on his nonchalant attitude.

"Ha, that was nothing." he grinned. "good thing you girls have a big, strong, shinobi like me around, eh?"

"I know! Good thing!" Sari flashed her pearly whites. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, too bad we are soooo helpless." I groaned sarcastically.

"Lets keep going." He said giving us permission to proceed. Thank goodness. If this boy keeps it up he better know how to run real fast.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hey hey hey peoples! i know its been a long time... sorry. this story is getting harder and harder to write. im just not feeling it so much anymore. anyway, here's my next chapter. its not as light hearted as the last one. its my attempt at been deep :). **

**thanks to all my lovely fans and reviewers including gaaras1girl, XxgaaramatsurixX, foxybunny, painterofemotiones, ect. oh and anonymous for which i shall refer to you as. thanks!**

**disclaimer: own naruto, i do not. hmmmmmmmmmmmm  
**

Chapter 7

Matsuri POV

We were all significantly quieter after our encounter with the eight legged monstrosity. The experience had shaken us to the core. It was now clear that our expectations of life outside the comfort of a controlled training session need some major adjusting.

The first day of the three day trial was drawing to a close as darkness fell over the land. There were no stars tonight, only the soft glow of a hazy moon.

"We should take a break now, don't you think?" Sari shattered the silence. Yuudai nodded vigorously and fell where he stood. Now flat on his back, his eyelids sleepily drooped from the long day. Sari and I took a seat by his sides.

"One of us should keep watch." I said turning to Yuudai who made no acknowledgment at my words. "Okay… I guess that means either you or me." Just as we looked into each others eyes a chilled breeze wound through the trees whistling eerily. I swallowed nervously.

"How about we both stay up?" Sari suggested. I smiled warmly. Id much rather prefer neither of us getting any sleep then having to guard alone.

We sat back to back with Yuudai snoozing close by. With every twig snap, every rustle of the leaves, every creaking of the great maples laying siege to our camp, my heart skipped a beat. I could feel Sari jump too. The anxiety of the situation had caused my adrenaline levels to sky rocket. All my senses were in sync with the environment. My eyes had by now adjusted to the darkness expanding my visibility into the unforgiving wood. My nose crinkled as it picked up small traces of rust and I could feel the soft moss under the palms of my hands. An uncontrollable reflex to yawn over powered my control. The grand inhale brought in more hints of rust to the tip of my tongue. What is that? My mind raced for an explanation for the strange odor.

"Hey Sari?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" she answered.

"Do you smell that?" I heard her take a deep breath to assess the air around her.

"Yeah, its like metal or something, right?"

"Yeah. What could it be?"

"I don't know. Its really weird." we frantically searched the area with our eyes for the source of the abnormality. Then I felt a heavy drop hit the back of my hand. Rain?… no. I brought my fist closer to my face for a better look. The liquid was dark and stank of iron. I froze…

My head slowly tipped back to see the canopy above.

I screamed.

Gaara POV

"Oi! Gaara! You coming?" my sister yelled to me from the ground below. I stood up and walked towards the edge of the roof, strolled straight off the end, and landed easily at her side. The students three days for the second challenge were up and it was time to meet them at the tower. If they made it though, that is.

There was such a thin line between success and failure in the eyes of the shinobi. One moment the sky clear, the smiles bright, the love passionate, while in the next one slip can extinguish the sun. The line between good and evil is just as fine, though it has no sharp edges. It's just a mess of haze and uncertainty.

In the tower now I waited with my siblings and teammates for our proteges to arrive. I scanned my surroundings noticing several familiar faces from my previous trips to Konoha waiting for the same thing. Deep in my heart I knew some of them would linger here for hours for students who would never return. My heart sank at the thought of me as one of them.

One of the proverbial faces belonged to a man named rock lee. With his thick eye brows, reflective bowl hair cut, and ridiculous green jumpsuit there was no mistaking him for another. It didn't surprise me to see him here, supporting the youth of the leaf village. Feeling my stare on his back, he turned and gave an overzealous wave. I nodded then looked away. He was a good fighter. I liked him, but I small doses.

I wasn't long before the contenders returned to their masters one by one. All of them filthy and worn but glowing with pride at their accomplishment. A twinge of hope followed by a twinge of guilt came with each pupil who pasted through the doors. No Matsuri yet. Then, after what felt like an eternity, team Suna came bursting through the double doors.

Yuudai was first. He was beaming but underneath seemed shaken by the experience. Sari also appeared troubled but was relieved to be back. My pupil was trailing slightly behind the others. Her head was down, but when she picked it up, our eyes met. I was now looking into two pools of hot tears.

Kankuro patted his boy on the back as Temari wrapped her arm around Sari's shoulders.

"Matsuri? What happen?" I said with as much concern as I could spread on my words (which wasn't much do to my lack of practice).

"Well… well… we were…" she tried to choke out. Temari and Kankuro also listened intently. "staying put for the night but I looked up and… its was awful… in the trees."

"Spit it out!" Temari interjected.

"THERE WERE BODIES! DEAD BODIES OF OTHER GENIN SKEWARD TO THE TREES! SOMEONE HAD KILLED THEM AND DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THEIR SCROLL! THEY WERE JUST KILLED FOR FUN!" she screeched. I shuddered at how familiar her story sounded.

"Whoa really? That's messed up." Kankuro said.

"Yeah lucky for us they had the scroll we needed." Yuudai chimed in. "We got off pretty easy." he chuckled.

"WHAT?" Matsuri spat.

"Easy Matsuri" my sister begged. "I know that's something horrible to have to see but that's the life of a shinobi, right?"

"BUT BUT BUT, THEY WERE SLAUGHTERED!"

"I know, Matsuri. I said it was horrible."

"NO! YOU SAID IT WAS HORRIBLE TO HAVE TOO SEE!YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!"

"HEY! Don't talk to me that way! I was just trying to help! The truth is you're just going to have to get used to death. Deal with it or quit being a ninja!" my sister stormed off pulling Sari with her. Kankuro and Yuudai both followed in tow not wanting to be on the side receiving Temari's wrath.

Matsuri was crying even harder now. Her tears were staining her shirt and her face was now red. She wasn't looking at me and her hair hung like a drape between us concealing half of her face. I knew what she was doing, hiding. And I new why, shame.

She was ashamed that I was seeing her in this state, ashamed to have broken down in front of me. She felt weak. She's not weak, she's human.

I wanted to tell her that she was right. Killing for the sake of killing was atrocious. Life is extraordinary, life is sacred. No matter if it belonged to a best friend or a worst enemy, it had to be respected. Taking the existence of another should be a last resort and only after it had been proven necessary.

I wanted to tell her that thinking of life as a precious gift was something that made her stronger than she could possibly imagine and was a trait that I have coveted all my life but could never have.

I wanted her to stop crying. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to, but I didn't know how. So I stood apart from her with my eyes closed listening to the rhythm of her quiet sobs.

Matsuri POV

My vision was blurred by the flow of sadness but I still got a glimpse of his face. My sensei's expression was hard and his eyes were closed. It was like he couldn't bare to look at me. He must have been embarrassed that the great Gaara of the desert was stuck with a blubbering pathetic student like me. Oh the disgrace I must be bringing him.

I used all my will power to try to hold back my tears but seeing the one who I wanted to prove my worth to the most turn away in disgust only prolonged my episode.

I know I should act strong and brave, but how was it possible for anyone to remain unfazed by murder? Those three Genin had dreams, they had futures. I knew no one would come for them. Several would grieve for the loss I'm sure but their bodies would remain apart of the canopy. There they would stay until their bones become one with the architecture, never to be put to rest.

That's the life of a shinobi. Thousands of ninja die everyday. Its all part of a big game the higher ups are playing, and we are the pieces.

Was that to be my fate? Left alone, broken on the battle field? Would anyone come for me? Would anyone cradle my limp form in their arms and let their tears wash away the blood from my face? Would anyone visit my grave to lay flowers upon my granite headstone and smile as they remember me and the good times we shared? I couldn't think of anyone.

I'm just another girl, another ninja, another name on a mission report, and I was disposable.

"Matsuri."

"Huh?" I said sniffling.

"It's time to leave now." his deep voice ushered me to him.

"Hai, sensei." I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve and followed him out of the tower.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi Hi Hi! i know i'm soooooooooo late! sorry sorry sorry! i just lost my drive for this story, but i got it back! so since i have not written in a while this chapter is really short and kinda sucks but i'm just getting the rust out of the old thinking muscle. to anyone who still wants to read my story, i get on my knees and kiss your feet. thank you!**

**Disclaimer : i don't own naruto, bitches!**

Chapter eight

Matsuri POV

Tomorrow was the day. After a month of intense training with my sensei it was finally time to face the third and final challenge of the Chunin exams… THE FINALS! Dun dun dun! Cue scary face with flashlight under chin for effect!

I was sure feeling the stress and ambition leading up to the event. As it crept closer I could barely sleep or watch the other contestants train without breaking into a cold sweat. I too had been training of course, Gaara had me working my butt off, and that's an understatement. He was tough for sure but I needed it. It seemed more than a coincidence that the best teacher was put with the worst student. I guess fate knows what it's doing.

I suppose my confidence could use some work… but now was not the time for that.

I laid in my bed and stared at the digital clock that my eyes had become addicted to the acrid neon glow.

… 1:37 am…

*Sigh* my nerves refused to give up their justified attack on my subconscious. What if I lose? What if I'm not ready? What if I get hurt? What if I let my village down?……. What if I let my sensei down?

… 1:38 am…

In some ways I had already let them down. My humiliating display of weakness after the second exam was pitiful. I had seen an enemy team hanging lifeless after they were thwarted by another team's drive to win. The sight destroyed me emotionally, leaving me in tears. Yup, that's right. I had balled my eyes out in front of everyone.

… 1:39 am…

Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Sari and Yuudai. Ever since the incident Sari had treated me as if I was delicate. Kankuro seemed afraid of me somehow. Yuudai hadn't stopped the continuous flow of insults but, who cares what he thinks? I did however care what Temari thought. I have a high respect for her, though lately she hadn't talked to me much. Maybe success in the third exam would win back her approval.

… 1:40 am…

Unlike the others, Gaara had treated me exactly the same as he always has. In many ways I was thankful for that.

A knock on my bedroom door nearly caused me to jump out of my skin. Who would be at my door at this hour?

… 7:06 am…

Holy crap! It was morning already! No sleep for me…

I scrambled to collect myself after hastily rolling out of my still inviting bed. I took a second to exam the extent of my bed head which I decided was salvageable and swung the door open.

"Oh! Gaara sensei!" I said generally surprised at my red headed sensei now leaning coolly against the doorframe. I mirrored his position on the opposite side of the frame. Maybe it would have made a better impression if I hadn't miscalculated my distance from the intended target, missed, and gone tumbling down to land flat on my ass. Before I knew it, his hands were under my arms and I was being hoisted back to my feet.

"Are you okay?" he said apparently scanning my appearance for the presence of self inflicted injuries. In a frantic attempt to save my dignity and suppress my dorky genes, I regained my cool composure and said,

"Sup"

Fail.

With an eye roll Gaara said

"Let's go."

"Yeah, okay…" blushing with embarrassment and head hung low I followed him out the door.

Gaara POV

The crowd roared when the champions of their respected villages were presented. The audience was smiling, laughing, drinking, taking bets as if they were at a sporting event rather than a fight that could rotationally end in loss of life. Uhg, animals. Especially the foreign diplomats in their silk robes and polished jewelry. Faces smug while they judged the performance of the presented youth looking for students worth spending money on when they needed a mission complete. It was as if they were shopping for prized livestock rather than human beings. Disgusting.

Pardon my negativity but it's well… me. And understandably, this event, this place, did not bring out the best in me.

Matsuri stood along side her teammates. She was smiling, but also chewing on her bottom lip as a nervous habit. It was just moments ago that we parted ways , she went with the other candidates while I went into the stands. The silence before we left was a bit awkward, but broken when she said,

"Sooooo, I guess I'll go then." she let out a deep breath the release her built up tension.

"Yeah." she turned to leave. But without thinking, which is a big deal for me, I called,

"Matsuri, wait." she whipped around.

"Yeah?" her somber expression was now glowing.

"Uh,…" my sophisticated vocabulary suddenly meant nothing as I couldn't find any words. "Good luck." She beamed.

"Thanks sensei! I'll make you proud!" Without warning she threw her arms around my torso into a tight hug. Shocked, and having no idea what to do, I just held my elbows out and starred down at her frantically blinking. After only seconds into the embrace, she noticed my reaction. She let go immediately and blushed a deep red.

"Whoops! I'm so sorry! Uh uh, I didn't mean too! I just…" I held up my hand to stop her.

"It's fine, Matsuri."

"Eh, heh. Right… well I'll see you later." she said and made a hasty retreat. I heard hushed laughter behind me.

"Awww you're so adorable." Kankuro cooed. Followed by a thump and an aggravated "Ow! What was that for!?" I didn't have to turn around to know Temari had whacked him in the back of the head.

And now here I was. Worried for my student as I watched her fidget out of anxiety. After winded speeches from the Hokage and other important figures, it was time to select each Genin's opponents.

"First to spar!" the proctor announced. "Matsuri of the village hidden in the sand!" hmmmmm first. "Against… Yuudai of the village hidden in the sand!" interesting.

"Oh yeah!" Kankuro cried. My brother was positioned behind me in the stands and my sister was at my side. "The showdown of the century! Brother verse brother, the ultimate sibling rivalry."

"Oh psh, Matsuri's going to destroy Yuudai." my sister mocked.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." I said without even turning to look at him.

"Well then, how bout we make this a little more interesting? How about a little bet? Should we say twenty bucks?" he said smugly. My sister scoffed I disapproval.

"Kankuro!"

"What? I'm just showing my confidence in my student. What's wrong with that?" he said with an eye roll.

"I guess Gaara just doesn't believe Matsuri will win." They went on arguing behind me. Until I turned to them and said,

"Make it fifty." Kankuro smiled.

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